Embrace the Hunger

So these past few days have not been too good. I've let the stress of long hours working at a job I don't care that much for get to me and I stopped tracking and started eating even when I wasn't hungry.

Haven't stepped on the scale so don't know how bad the damage is but looking in the mirror I can see a difference. I can't keep saying I want something and then not put in the work. That's not how life works.

So much like my finances are on a tight leash, I have to put my weight on a tight leash. My twenties are on their last legs. I was blessed with a pretty good overall figure...so the least I could do is put in some effort  and keep it.

I bought a nice big planner and i have it posted on my wall (inspired from I used to be fat) and I'm just going to write weekly goals I can focus on. My brain thinks of a million things at once and I am going to try this week to be single minded (I wish I was one of those people that had tunnel vision). I was supposed to be 189 by Monday but I'm pretty sure that's a bust. So as long as I'm not up to 194/195 by Monday, 189 will be my goal for the next week.

All I'm saying is, I'm mentally preparing myself to embrace the hunger I know will come. No pain, no gain. I don't think actresses and athletes find training easy. I  read this one finance blog that was talking about how she saved money because she got used to a couple of things. It's hot in the summer... put on the ac? No. She just got used to sweating and then after a while, her body got used to it and she didn't get hot so easily.

Point is, I'm going to get used to being hungry....and then hopefully my body will get used to it to. Either way, I'm tired of trying to lose weight and I'm just going to do it.

Back under 190

After my disastrous eating last week (and monday), I finally worked out yesterday. I have found that working out to shows I like is very efficient. Yesterday was the biggest loser and can I tell you, that is one of the best shows to work out to.

I walked for the entire thing (8 miles!). Burnt over 800 calories which is probably why I'm under 190 today. There is nothing more motivating than seeing these very large people running and being active. It makes me feel, if they can do it, so can I. They had this surfer chic who lost her arm as a teen but still became a professional surfer. Hold on, let me google her. Okay, her name is Bethany Hamilton. You should google her too.  It was very inspirational to listen to her and not corny in any way. Also she has a rocking body and you can tell she works for it.

It just reminded me about how you get what you put in. Hard work yields results all the time and i can't expect to get great results without inconveniencing my self. Weight loss is only going to be temporary till i get to where I want to be and then I can focus on other things.

Anyway, my goal is to be 185 by the end of the month. I would like to fit into size 10 clothes by April (I'm a 12 now). I think I fit into that once in my adult life and I had gotten to about 178 or so. So hopefully it's doable.

Side note: As I continue on this journey, I need to remember that i HAVE to work out. Not only because my body responds to it but also because 1400 calories is SO LITTLE for me. working out allows me to eat more ;)

Where did my mojo go?

Everyone's body responds differently to diet and exercise. My body is very receptive to exercise and I lose weight when I do that and am not to careful with my intake.

With just diet alone, I have to be VERY vigilant about what I eat. Which begs the question, why have I not worked out since Saturday morning? I moved so things have been a bit hectic. But I need to make time for it. I am promising that today after work I will head to the gym. Maybe if it's out here in cyberspace it will push me.

Side note: my stomach is definitely smaller. I had a milkshake and chicken burger yesterday afternoon and I was stuffed for HOURS!

The importance of grocery shopping.

So i dipped below 190 last week and today weighed in squarely at 191.4.

I'm not actually surprised as my eating has been pretty bad this week and my work schedule has not given me the time to work out.

I realized after looking at my loseit food journal what the problem was. So  y'all know that I gave up eating out for lent. I've done pretty well - only one slip-up. The thing is, I have run out of groceries and not gone to stock up. Every morning I tell myself that since I didn't make lunch, that means i'm just going to go without. Doesn't work. I end up filling up on the Dove hot chocolate in the kitchen at work (80 calories), the apple juice from the kitchen (170 cals) and the free chips (210 cals) and sometimes even the chips ahoy (270 cals). The kitchen in my office is the devil i tell you.


I have learned that it makes a huuuuuuuge difference when I prepare my own food because even though I bring snacks, the calorie content is a lot lower. I am going to recommit to eating better. I want to be 185 by the end of this month! I have told myself that once I get to 185 I will buy this dress from express.

The medium fits now and it's a lovely dress but I want to delay gratification a little bit.

Where are the succesful bloggers?

Yesterday I had an "i don't give a damn" day and blew my calories. Haven't totaled yet but I'm pretty sure I'm over by at least a 1000. That's what you get when you polish off a half packet of "le petit ecolier" and 3 sun chips (those things are very high calorie for being a "healthy" chip).

I kind of know why, I decided I was not going to eat out for lent and so I'm not allowed to buy food (healthy or not). I've been so busy at work that I end up feeling to lazy to cook or go grocery shopping. So i end up eating the free chips at work. Someone smack me.

Anyway, I started looking around for inspiration. I realized that for the past 2 years or so as I've been reading weight-loss blogs, no one I follow has been very successful. Even my weight loss (39lbs!) has been on the slow side. Mary is still about the same weight from when I started reading, Skinny nurse opted for WLS,  Crys keeps going back and forth. The list keeps going on and on. The ones that are doing well, I found at the end of their journey (Erika,  Carbie girl). They have good tips (Especially Erika) but that's not what I want to read. I want to read about current fat/overweight people who are in the process of losing weight. So every week or so, they are talking about weight loss. Obviously some weeks there will be slip ups, but people who are trending down. I'm tired of reading people who lose 3 gain 5, lose 4, gain 3 and end up at the same place.

Ex-hot girl is the type of blog I like. She went from 220s to about 178ish where she is and is currently fighting for 145. I wish I found her blog closer to the beginning of her journey so I could have a buddy. If anyone has recommendations let me know. I know it was a commenter that introduced me to Erika's blog so I'm sure you know some.

It's more interesting to do this with someone

All I can say is

Eating so few calories is hard without working out. That's why I like to exercise! So i can eat more.

Weigh-in tomorrow. Hope I stayed under 190!

woooot wooot! Hello 180s

YES!

As the post gives away, I made my goal. On monday I weighed 189.8. Yep! Made it by .2lbs. I checked again today and yesterday to make sure it wasn't a fluke and today I was 189.2!

Yay. I am back at a weight I haven't been in like 4 years. I was stuck at 185 since after college so once I hit there that will be a milestone and everything under that is uncharted territory.

I'm doing this all with loseit. I made a commitment not to go over my calorie allotment (for the week) during lent and that meant sunday night i spent an hr and a half at the gym to counter the extra calories I ate. SMH. this week I don't want to HAVE to work out because work is so crazy I don't know when I'll have time to work out so i'm watching my calories carefully.

Unfortunately, my monthly friend is coming this weekend and I have been hungry all day. All i can say is thank goodness for diet dr. pepper. I don't drink soda but somehow I tasted this last week and I found out it's pretty much the same taste as the original so unfortunately i have started drinking it. What can i say? the bubbles fill me :)

Work and Weightloss

For me, those 2 things do not go together well. My job can be uber stressful (in terms of long hours) and when I'm stressed, I snack. Actually, not really. It's just that sitting at a desk for 12+ hours makes you want to take breaks, and the only legitimate break you can take is going to the bathroom or going to the kitchen (because if you decided to surf the web for 5 minutes that WOULD be the time your boss walks by). Thus, I have to be really vigilant about sticking to my calories at work.

I haven't been super great this week. I was good Monday to Wed and Ok on Thursday (went over by 56) but yesterday was bad. The only good thing is I had a 500 calorie deficit from wednesday so  I shouldn't be TOO bad (haven't finished logging yesterday yet). I mentioned my lenten goal was to not eat out and to not go over my calories (i track weekly though). So gotta finish logging yesterday and see how much work I need to put into the gym this morning.

I WILL BE UNDER 190 ON MONDAY.

UPDATED TO ADD: just weighed in, I am 190.8. So i have to lose one pound by Monday. I am 780 cals over as of today so right now I'm off to the gym to try and burn about 400 cals before i go to work.